Safehouse 721, Yadreni House
Poka, Lypton, Psveurtzke
Identification: Subject 7A, Alyssa Yadreni, author of this journal, left. Jackie Keane, right.
Alyssa: Why d'you keep knocking over our garbage can, lady? You know what we do in this house? How we're saving Pokalypton? Why, we have a cowplant upstairs I could easily feed my sister to, so we'd never have education! ...Wait a minute, that's not how it's supposed to work. Although it's a good idea.. but after Education is lifted, and all--err, I mean, I could have it eat YOU!
Jackie: The Yadreni's really are crazy...
Alyssa: Eh, you know what? I'm feeling generous today. I won't feed you to the cowplant--you know what, take $50!
Jackie: Wow, thanks!
Alyssa: You're welcome! Now come back to my house and I'll make you watch the cowplant eat your legs after they are removed with the finest Apocalypse-grade plastic butter knife!
So, life has been continuing in the Yadreni house--Yadreni house? No, that's sounds too old. This is the House of Alyssa. No, House of Most Treacherous and Beautiful--no, All-Powerful World-Savior, Destroyer of-- ugh, I'll work on it.
With the help of my ridiculous hot husband!!! UNF!
Alyssa: Hey Billie Jean, how is an eternity of endless horrors treating you?
Billie Jean: Stand up so I can let you see it yourself.
Billie Jean: Boo.
Esther: Ahh-- hey, Billie Jean. You can do better than that.
Billie Jean isn't the most enthusiastic of ghosts. I guess it isn't fun for them if the people you're killing aren't related by blood.
Billie Jean: How's THIS???
Esther: Ehhh... good try.
Kai: You can do it, Billie!
Esther: AHHH! Uncle Kai!!
Alyssa: Ooo, now there's a nice one!
Esther: AHH!
Billie Jean: See? I am a great scarer!
Alyssa: No, she was just still spooked from Kai's good one. Just go back to your tombstone.
She ended up making a hobby visitor pee his pants, so I guess she isn't terrible.
There's a sport to killing people, you see. It's fascinating to watch, even if you're the ones being killed.
......Not that I want to be the one killed.
Esther finally managed to find a job in Education. She's starting off as a Playground Monitor; her duties involve protecting the chlidren from radioactive-crazed passerby and making sure teenagers don't enter school premises.
Lame. When will she be off clearing the roads to Unitatos, huh? Never. She could never.
Ha ha, I am amazing.
I wish I could cowplant dogs. This Zea infestation is almost worse than our radioactive roach infestation.
Eleanor has been doing work out of the Lypton region. They must be even more stupid than the uneducated population of Pokalypton, because WOW.
I'm doing well, too, thanks to my endless supply of raw talent. Unitatos will be ours soon... assuming Esther can get anyone through high school so they can actually enroll.
It's a good thing Evan is the only one I don't want to cowplant, because it seems like it'll be a while until he's done with his career. I don't really care that he's an idiot, he's cute.
Not that he could be my weakness; there are many men. I have no weaknesses.
....awww, Meredith looks so cute in this picture....
And Meredith has real talent.
No talent that comes close to being comparable to mine, of course, since she's a dog... but if she were a human she'd be talented enough for me to register her as a threat and eliminate her. Adorable!
Well, the country is screwed.
It doesn't really matter, though. It's not Eleanor that has really become The Law, it is the Yadreni family.
And who is the face of the Yadreni family?
The heiress. Which is ME. So, I'm The Law. And I'll soon be the military. How convenient.
...but I guess she does deserve a little recognition.
. . .
Eleanor became The Law. On behalf of me, of course. How generous of her.
Alright, recognition over.
Alyssa: So how do you feel that you're the worst in your career track of the three of us?
Esther: Alyssa, I haven't had my job that long... but I'm still doing better than your husband.
Alyssa: Hahahahahaha, watch out, you wavy-haired do-bais.
Esther: Do-bais? Picking up dumb Lypton slang with your military friends? Well, if you want to insult me, I'm still an UP-bais. I'm older than you, sis.
Alyssa: I can't wait to k-......... hahaha, alright sister.
Well, anyway.
Telephone Tuesdays were always busy for me, keeping up the family's friends and making friends into best friends. It's nice to have a break from endless skilling, which we only do to avoid the ghosts.
Esther, my lovely sister that will hopefully do us the favor of dying soon, managed to master all of her skills before Eleanor and I.
Of course, I wouldn't expect Eleanor to skill at a pace faster than can be matched to a toddler's xylophone. So it's really only shocking she beat me. It was because she was an unemployed bum, of course. How lazy can you get?
Eleanor is the only clean freak of us all. That is but one of many titles she holds that end in "freak".
A flaw, finally! Esther managed to pick the first devastating chance card of our entire family, but...
I guess when her boss said she was fired, they just meant demoted. Because she was demoted.
Which I guess I'm glad about, since Evan couldn't teach a class of children if his life depended on it. (Which it usually does, us being in the situation we're in.)
The family disappointment and endless embarrassment, though, she's still got that.
As she's getting demoted, I'm being promoted, of course. I'm now in charge of the regional military operation. Once I can make it to space as an astronaut and assert my dominance over the world (figuratively), I'll be able to come down and dominate Psveurtzke (literally). I'm counting down the days!!!
...and Evan is working too. He hasn't done much, really, but he tries... maybe. I'm not sure. He's just very cute.
Esther: Shoo, demon! Be gone!
Kallias: Shoo, mortal, be gone!
Iggy: I hope you won't mind if we borrow the house for a night... you can stay, of course, if you want to join us!!!
Sometimes the ghosts are overwhelming. To my sisters, of course. I can handle anything.
And a little help from the energizer doesn't hurt.
Eleanor: I'm so glad to be here alive, and with my Lifetime Want achieved! Isn't life great, Esther?
Esther: .... yup.
Age is starting to become a problem, for me at least. I still need to have children to continue the Yadreni name. Now that I'm an astronaut, maybe I'll age a litter slower, or something... No matter. I'll be a General and start having kids soon enough.
But there is something that might just help with the age thing....
Alyssa: You're hungry, I bet, having lived here with no food for 3 generations... What's your name? How about Peter II? You want some food?
Eleanor: Hmm, isn't today wonderful, roaches? There's just something about the light barely creeping through the overcast and through our tiny window... beautiful!
Alyssa *in gruff voice that sounds like someone that is definitely and for sure not Alyssa*: Ohh, Eleanor! Could you come up here? This is not Alyssa calling, it is someone else that is definitely and for sure not Alyssa!! Now come up here to the Elder Cell and enter the fenced off area!"
Eleanor: Doo dee doo dee doo... I wonder who that was? Hmm, the gate is unlocked! Never seen that before!
Peter II: Grrr, grrr...
Eleanor: Oh, for me? You know, I think this might count against the culinary restrictions...
Cowplant: Grr!
Eleanor: Oh, hey! I'll take it! We have an energizer, anyway...
Eleanor: I, uh, can I have the cake now?
Eleanor: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Cowplant: Hrr, hrr, hrr... grrrrr.....
Alyssa: Aww, what a good Petie! I love doing my duty as a citizen of this planet to help increase oxygen supplies; getting rid of consumers and encouraging producers, like you! Or, something like that. It was Peter I that was the Natural Scientist, not me.
Alyssa: Well, anyway...
Alyssa: OOOOoooo, that feels good!
Alyssa: You know, I love nature!
Cowplant: Grrhrrhrr.
Esther was deeply saddened by our poor, poor, ugly, untalented sister accidentally unlocking the cowplant gate, locking it behind herself, and getting a bit hungry for cake.
She has too many nice points to suspect I'd even consider killing her. HA! How pathetic! Fratricide isn't even a big deal, why does everyone have to exaggerate about things like that being "horrendously evil" and "the absolute darkest thing one could do"? LAA-AAME!
Alyssa Yadreni is so awesome.
....eh, not feeling that one. Talking about yourself in the third person is not my style. I'll work on it.
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