02. Subject 1A

Unitus Dorm 100

Only dorm of Unitatos, a small, highly elite university maintained by Psveurtzke's military.

Unitatos, Lypton, Psveurtzke

Identification: Operation Reanimation Subject 1A, 'Peter Yadreni'. Named for Peter, first President (Agent 0002) of Psveurzke, and Yadrenilypton, location of birth. Intelligence level 4: Military commoner. Author of all following without bold, italics, or otherwise uncommon text.

Government personality classification: 4-7-6-3-5, Knowledge

Desire: To Maximize All 7 Skills

So this is what it feels like to write my first government-issued journal entry. You know, in school, they always said it was super important to maintain, even though it's 100% private. No one will ever see this but me, so why should I make as big of a deal out of this as the teachers said? Why, I could just.... kASGHASH'l;ddkdduhrhhgxxxzzlawrwk!!

Eh, that's enough rebelliousness for awhile. Man, if my School Level 2 teacher found out I just did that, she'd send me to propaganda detention for days. But hey, what am I doing? How am I supposed to document my entire life if I'm busy rebelling? Oh, these pancakes were delicious.

Identification: Antonia Meek, center. Dallas Fennell, left. Intelligence levels: 4

After so many days of life, I've made it to University. Unitatos, the best of the best. Surprisingly, I made friends everywhere -- even while watching our required hour of Psveurtzke TV. I quickly learned that in college (even military-run Unitatos), it's not as heavily regulated as it was before.

Peter: Hey, you... don't you know it's illegal to engage in other things while watching PTV?

Dallas: Hey, how about you shut your little me-bais mouth.

Antonia: Hey, Dallas, be nice to the guy. Peter, was it? Did you know our recycled waste really goes to creating super-nukes? Just learned it in my intelligence level briefing class.
Dallas: Hey, how do you know he's on the same level as us? Do you want to get arrested?
Antonia: Relax, we're all the same here. It's not like that information is useful, anyway. Psveurtzke hasn't been in any wars for thousands of days, and it's not like nukes have ever actually been used.
Dallas: What? Haven't you heard of World War II? Hiroshima and Nagasaki?
Antonia: Oh, shut up. I never paid attention in ancient history classes, so what? No, I know all about it... Pajan, and, oh what was it, the Unified Steaks of Argentina...

Life here certainly was different from School Levels 1 and 2. The carelessness of people reminded me of my parents. My father, a llama herder, was so careless that he sometimes took to the streets of Yadreni claiming Psveurtzke was really led by an anonymous figure, and that our elections are for show. Thankfully, mother always reeled him into reality before the authorities could hear.

There were plenty of discoveries to be made in Unitatos. This thing is a telescope. The government pays you if you use this to find satellites without Psveurtzke ID tags on them. When exchanging the coordinates of one for the money, I asked the clerk if they belonged to another country, like the one that Lypton has a border with, but she simply said "next, please" to the empty room and started arranging papers that were already arranged.

Identification: Agent 082, partially unpictured (aura visible). Duties involve aiding subjects through supernatural illusion. Intelligence level 2.

One day in my sophomore year, I found this lamp outside the dorm. I picked up the lamp and rubbed it, and a strange purple man appeared. He told me to "find a lover" or post-University life will be especially miserable, so I guess I made that my mission. He also left me in a superb state of mind.

Identification: Di Wielgosz, left. Intelligence level 4.

Attempting to find a lover mostly just ended up with finding more friends. That was nice, but it didn't help with my mission at hand. Well, until it did.

Di: You're looking for a lover, huh? I'll tell you what your problem is.

Peter: What? What is it? Please, tell me!

Di: Your idea of a lover is wrong. Right now, that idea involves a little too much boob.

Peter: So I should find someone with small ones?

Di: No, pointy ears. I think you should be looking for someone with a znipsk. I say go for Dallas. He thinks your dumb ears are hot.

Peter: I should- with a- go for- okay but wait, why would anyone be attracted to an ear?

What Di said really confused me at first. The more I thought about it, though, she was right. The way I was never attracted to any girl, the way I was supremely attracted to boys, that one time when I made out with Jared Jozz for three hours (but as friends of course); the signs were all there, however hidden. I like boys!

The next day I found Dallas in the cafeteria and told him how I felt through actions. He never reacted with words but he was still very responsive.

Over the next few days and semesters, we grew very close. Literally, as in we never spoke to anyone else as our lips were too busy. My dorm room reached an unprecedented level of cleanliness, due to lack of use since I would spend every night with Dallas.

We had a good time, in general... in the bed, in the shower, in the hot tub, on the balcony; you know, in general.

Identification: Lydia Lang, right. Intelligence level 4.

Our relationship really was the talk of our dorm. Occasionally, cheerleaders would come to cheer us on in our endeavors. We love our fans!

College was not all fun and games, though. A great deal of it was spent studying for school and studying skills.

Being in a military school, there was a good amount of body-related work to be done (not involving Dallas).

Identification: Svetlana James. Intelligence level 2.

My trainer, Svetlana, was very helpful in maintaining fitness.

Svetlana: (WHISTLE) Hey, do-bais! How do you expect to outrun nuclear zombies with that? Not that, you'll, I mean... uh, (WHISTLE) HURRY UP, POINTY EARS!

Peter: YES, UP-SIEUR!

My last few semesters of Unitatos were mostly spent on a government-issued cocktail of thinking caps and energizers, for trying to raise my skills while still keeping my grades up.

I ended up graduating with a 3.9, Magna Cum Laude. I majored in biology. My up-Sieurs won't tell me what I'm going to be doing with my post-University life, but they have told me where it'll be:

A remote district in the most mountainous part of Lypton, right on the border with our neighboring country:

Poka. Pokalypton.